We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
