1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
