marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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