If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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