I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
