I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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