How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
where does the pee come out of this thing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
