speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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