If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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