if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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