He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
