the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
