So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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