you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
