i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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