My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
