i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
