dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
