I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
