I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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