I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
