Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
