im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
