tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
