walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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