This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
