Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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