I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
