i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
