I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
