i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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