It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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