I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think my moral compass just broke
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
