so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
