When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
