Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
