Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
