Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
