1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
