life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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