if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
