I hate all girls vehemently.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize