Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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