no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
