what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
