Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wear drunk well.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize