she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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