She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
