some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Operation Purity has been aborted
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
