i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
