She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we're so committed to being not committed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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