That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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