When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
