There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am one with the molecules
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
