Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
