McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
