now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
