Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
