just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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