My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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