why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
