So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
