I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
