theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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