Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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