On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
