Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
