Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
