I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
