he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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