Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
