Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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