I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
