It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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