Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
