Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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